FIGHTING WITH AND AGAINST ENGLISH

How ironic it is to hear someone who earned a Bachelor's Degree in Communication Arts to be timid and shy when it comes to verbal approaches, and to make things worst than ever is being afraid with the so-called "English".
And so it is, entering into a combat where the battle will be fought and shielded aggressively with this English thing is not a good idea at all. How will you suppose to fight a battle if you aren't able to master yet the techniques? Knowing this facts, I still enter into this combat where the competition is high, almost above ceiling level. I don't know what to expect, just wishing to a shooting star to make a luck work it over for me.
But after sometime, I realized how tough the battles are. I lose almost 70% of my confidence level which helped me through.Though I was a qualified player to fight, there are some duels I have to passed out. I am not as aggressive to fight just like before. I quickly raised my white flag signalling for a humble surrender and defeat. 
I realize I'm not a good writer and speaker in English...actually, there are times that I am having a hard time in expressing myself through words. This shouldn't be the case because a graduate like me in this line of course are expected to be talkative and loud all the time! I don't know what to do. I am in desperate mode. 
Yes, there are moments when I found myself thinking that I earned the wrong education to equipped me in the future. There are moments when I wished for "what ifs" in life. But everytime I do so, I realized this is me. This is where I should really be. Why?! Because even when I was still a kid, I already dreamt of having this. If when being a child I was able to fought for my dreams and fantasy, why shouldn't I be able to do the same thing now especially that i already have what  it takes to be? 
So as you can see, the problem is I am the public enemy of myself. I cannot even start to have even that little first step because I am the greatest critic of myself. I was the one who discourage and sabotage my very own plan. 
But this is not the end of it all. It's not even apocalypse yet, so as long as I am here I know that there is hope to come. I still have the chance of redeeming myself. After all, my English is not bad isn't it?!